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Sunday, January 1st 2006

2:00 AM

Christmas gifts and New Years tears

  • State of Mind: hurt
  • How I feel: In alot of pain physical and emotional
  • Game of The Day: Animal Crossing WW for the Nintendo DS
  • Thought of the day: Why are blue Christmas lights so popular? Aren't red and green the

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!!! 

I will admit I had a great Christmas day, but that's it. Boxing day sucked and so did New Years. I will write about the fun stuff first because I need a break from crying...

Ok here we go...

 Christmas Day which we spend with our good friends Kerry and Andrea invited us over for Christmas and it was great. Oh and the gift Sylvain got me was the best gift I have ever gotten. He saved upped for a very long time to get me a EOS Digital Rebel XT . Sylvain got my Canon Digital A70 3.2 mp and is very happy with that.I wish I could have gotten him something suprising, but I don't work so I don't make any of my own money and I can't drive with the meds I am on so he has lend me the money to get him his gift and basically drive me to where I have to go. I got him a really nice dress shirt and a video game for the PS2 called Dragon Quest VIII. I also got him a Nintendo DS and Animal Crossing Wild World as well. I got a really cool jacket from Kerry and Andy along with a personalized Christmas tree ornament, and a frog puppet that sings and I almost forgot Sylvain got me X-men Legends 2 for the Sony PSP and Animal crossing WW for the Nintendo DS. I also got 2 really nice sweaters from my Mom and a large stuffed frog and a huge box of mixed chocolates from Bonnie and her daughter who live upstairs from us. Oh and a week before Christmas a lady from our care group (from church) took me shopping for more dressy clothes for me to wear for special occasion, like Christmas. She got me a pair of beige cords and two really nice shirts to go with it and did the same for Sylvain except he got sweaters instead of dressy shirts. I guess for the first time in our married life of 9 years we actually got gifts for Christmas and even a bit spoiled.  It's nice to be spoiled after 9 years a scraping for money around this season to buy gifts  

I knew before hand that my Mom didn't want to spend Christmas with us and she made it really clear to us on Christmas eve when she stopped by to cut my hair and give me some bangs. I thought I would deal with it ok since I knew we where going to Kerri and Andrea's, but the morning of Christmas day was still hard for me and I was still really hurting. Sylvain was upset with me for good reason because he wanted me to be happy and open up his gift and I didn't want to until I was in a better mood so I could be in a good mood when he gave me his gift. Anyway's The day turned out to be a lot of fun and Andrea is a great cook

Now on to Boxing Day which started off really good. We went shopping with my Mom and then went to her place and while she was cooking dinner she started to tell me about my cousin who has MS and how bad she was getting and that she could die soon. I knew she was bad off but not that bad. She gave me guilt trips because I haven't been up to see here for awhile and I told her that I have been to sick as well and in really bad pain plus we always get into these who is sicker fights and I can't handle them. I want to go visit and help her and be able to talk to her about my problem's. I don't need to know which one of us is sicker I just want a friend I can talk to and be a friend she can talk to. I want to be able to be a shoulder for her to cry on and be someone she can depend on for support and I would like the same from her. What is fighting about who is the sickest going to solve? Anyway's my Mom got me so upset and made me feel so guilty that I couldn't eat and was crying most of the night.  We are going to visit my cousin tomorrow and I plan to see her alot more this new year.

Now for New Years. Every New Year we spend with friends that our like family to us, we have known them for 9 years and have only missed one new years with them and that was when my Dad passed away in 1999. Anyway's they are mad at us for something Sylvain won't tell me what yet and because of that they don't want to spend New Years with us. So this morning we told our other friends that we would like to spend New Years with them and they seemed ok with it. We meet up at Church and they got invited to a party and we didn't so they ditched us for the party, needless to say I was really hurt and felt like I was being abandoned by everyone. I decided to phone where the party was and asked if we could come and they say sure, then 10 minutes later Sylvain called back to see if they wanted us to bring anything only to find out they where just going to call us back and say we can't go. There wasn't enough room for 2 more people. I was really hurting after that and started crying so hard that I was hyperventilating. Sylvain kinda got me settled down, but I am still really hurting, two sets off friends drop like flies in one weekend.

Now I am having second thoughts on what being a Christian is all about. They knew I was hurt and upset they could hear me crying in the background when Sylvain was on the phone and they still didn't seem to care, maybe I am over reacting. Looks like I will find out soon since we decided to phone the place where we weren't invited to wish them all a happy New Year and got our friend on the phone, they asked if we wanted them to still drop by and I said yes. This was at 12:15am.

I was originally going to end my post here and update what happened tomorrow, but since they haven't showed up yet I decided to update in this post now and then I'm off to bed.

Its now 2:00am and so far they are a no show, I'm crying and thinking they forgot about us I guess. How am I supposed to deal with this, I would never do what they did to me if one of them was as upset and hurt as I was. I love them both so much they are like family to me. I don't know what to do.

What a way to to start a New Year...so many friends yet not one wants to be with you.....

Till Later

Joann

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