Powered by Bravenet Bravenet Blog

Saturday, April 22nd 2006

2:30 AM

Why is living so hard?

  • State of Mind: scared
  • How I feel: I really don't know
  • Thought of the day: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Yep I am still alive...barely...

I know it's been awhile since I have posted or even checked on my blog. Life has been really frustrating and tough lately.

The scope went not so well. Since I am Im Methadone for my chronic pain the stuff they gave me to knock me out for the scope didn't do anything so they game me more and then more until they reached the max amount that they can give and I was still awake. I felt everything and it hurt like hell. The doctor was frustrated and I think he even said he wasn't sure he could be my doc anymore after that in counter.

After it was over I was still in so much pain and was given a morphine by I.v. 10 mg in 2 different doses and it didn't help and why would it when I am Methadone which counter acts to the morphine or something like that. The 8 hour drive home wasn't fun either it was more like hell, I won't go into detials all I will say is after being scoped down the throat the last thing I care about is eating and where to eat, but becuase I couldn't come up with a place to eat the fight was on and it wouldn't have been that bad, but my good friend was along for the trip and having her see Sylvain yelling at me was really embarrassing. I could go on, but some of it is to personal to put here. All I will say is I hate being yelled at and lectured especially when all I want to do is sleep and get home.

Since that test I have been having more pain and having a harder time eating. I am barely going out, I have cancelled the last 2 therapy sessions and only been to Church once or twice, and have missed one to many meetings with my care group/bible study get together's.

When my symptoms first returned Sylvain and I dealt with it pretty good, but since the surgery that was supposed to fix me all up so I could go back to living. When didn't and I got sicker dealing with it slowly became harder and harder. It has put a huge strain on our marriage.  He is sick of me being sick and having to do everything and I am sick of being sick and watching him do everything. Some days I feel like I am walking on egg shells around him, if I say something and it comes out wrong in the slightest way then the battle is on. It can be as simple as him bringing home something and its not the right item so I ask him if he can return it the next day and all of a sudden I am getting yelled at....I never do anything right, from now on if you want it you go get it and stuff like that. You know I wish I could I wish I wasn't hurting so much and I wasn't so weak.

Even my mom is tired of it and my friends are too, life just isn't fun anymore.

I HATE THIS PAIN I WANT IT GONE 

If he only knew how many times I have stayed up all night in pain with a partial blockage so that I wouldn't have to go to the hospital and stress him out..he so hard on him when I am in the hospital that I will just about go through anything not to end up there. The only way I will go is if I have a complete blockage like the last time I was there.I just want it all to end, to go away, but I know it won't not any time soon anyway....

Im so scared Sylvain is going to get so tired of me being sick that on day he isn't going to come home. I love him so much. I am so scared.....

Till Later

Joann

30 had something to say.

Posted by Star:

Thank you for every other fantastic post. The place else could anyone get that kind of
info in such an ideal means of writing? I have a presentation next week,
and I am at the search for such info.

my web-site deeeep io
Friday, July 3rd 2020 @ 1:21 PM

Posted by Maintenance Cairns:

I love how open you are with your blogs. Maintenance Cairns
Monday, June 22nd 2020 @ 6:44 PM

Posted by Hutchesson Painting:

Thanks for sharing! Painters Mt Barker
Monday, June 22nd 2020 @ 6:42 PM

Posted by seomaster:

This is very significant, and yet necessary towards just click this unique backlink: https://youtu.be/NWDOq8k9eUI
Sunday, June 21st 2020 @ 8:28 AM

Posted by Jasmine:

Very nice write-up. I absolutely love this site. Stick with it!


Stop by my webpage: commercial hvac units; listen to this podcast,
Saturday, June 20th 2020 @ 6:45 AM

Posted by seomaster:

It is fine, nonetheless evaluate the information and facts around this correct. Best digital marketing courses
Thursday, June 18th 2020 @ 5:09 AM

Posted by seomaster:

Find the best essays on is my friend's profile page. Best dermatologist singapore
Thursday, June 18th 2020 @ 5:08 AM

Posted by Wendy:

Thanks for sharing with us! Solar Panels Adelaide Hills
Wednesday, June 17th 2020 @ 6:33 PM

Posted by Maz:

Love your journal writing! Skip Bins Cairns
Wednesday, June 17th 2020 @ 6:29 PM

Posted by Owen:

Spot оn with this write-up, I actᥙally feel thіs
web site neеds much moгe attention. I?ll probaƄly bе returning tⲟ ѕee mⲟre, thanks for from the Cfee Cnrs blog
info!
Wednesday, June 17th 2020 @ 4:01 PM

Posted by Juan:

Tancpol.net:
актуальные релизы 2020 в формате mp3
Очень удобная система навигации для
пользователей, простой интерфейс, только самая популярная музыка для меломана, отличный
проигрыватель, где можно прокручивать аудио – только самые малые преимущества,
которые по достоинству оценит
любой пользователь, посетивший сайт Tancpol.net.

Каталог музыкального ресурса постоянно
обновляют. Именно поэтому посетитель в любой момент
может прослушивать актуальные аудиотреки в формате mp3.

Прослушивание новой музыки
– это не единственный бонус, который доступен на
веб-сайте. Тут также есть возможности закачать любую композицию в
хорошем качестве.
Таким образом, можно не только ежедневно
наслаждаться музыкой, но и использовать треки в
качестве рингтона на смартфоне.

В случае если у вас появились какие-либо проблемы,
связанные с пользовательскими настройками, вы сможете
связаться с поддержкой, при помощи средств обратной
связи (Электронная почта, viber, Skype и прочие).

В компетенции специалистов службы широкий список разных
вопросов: поддерживаемые фо
Wednesday, June 17th 2020 @ 6:02 AM

Posted by Val:

Thank you а lot fοr sharing thiѕ with all folks yօu really recognise wһat you are talking аpproximately!

Bookmarked. Ρlease аlso seek advice from my web
site =). Ԝe maу have a link сhange agreement аmong սs

my pagе japanese porn
Saturday, June 13th 2020 @ 8:22 AM

Posted by Mary Jean Smith:

I like the helpful info you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite sure I’ll learn a lot of new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next! House Cleaning Services
Thursday, June 11th 2020 @ 9:54 AM

Posted by samm zakii:

Posted by samm zakii:

Posted by Gabriella:

Whʏ visitors still use tо read news papers ᴡhen іn this technological ᴡorld all is existing ᧐n net?


My website :: adipositas-verzeichnis.de
Tuesday, June 9th 2020 @ 1:55 PM

Posted by seomaster:

It is somewhat fantastic, and yet check out the advice at this treat. florence residences price
Tuesday, June 9th 2020 @ 12:38 AM

Posted by Tamika:

Wow! Thank you! I constɑntly needed t᧐ wrіte on my website sometһing like tһat.
Сan I implement a fragment օf your post navigate to this web-site
my website?
Monday, June 8th 2020 @ 5:43 AM

Posted by Corinne:

First off I want to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question in which I'd like to ask
if you do not mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your mind prior to writing.

I have had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out.
I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems
like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips?
Appreciate it!

Here is my site - June
Monday, June 8th 2020 @ 5:04 AM

Posted by Senaida:

First off I would like to say great blog! I had a
quick question which I'd like to ask if you don't mind.
I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your head prior
to writing. I've had a difficult time clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out.
I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first
10 to 15 minutes are generally lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or
hints? Cheers!

my homepage ... Katrice
Sunday, June 7th 2020 @ 10:07 PM

Posted by Vernita:

I do agree with all of the ideas you have offered to your post.
They're very convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too brief for newbies.
May just you please extend them a little from subsequent
time? Thank you for the post.

Also visit my blog Billy
Saturday, June 6th 2020 @ 1:14 PM

Posted by Leah:

Wow! Τhank you! I continuously needed to wгite on my site sоmething liқe thаt.
Cɑn I implement а fragment of үour post to my blog?


my website: related webpage
Thursday, June 4th 2020 @ 10:39 AM

Posted by Noemi:

Hi, I desire to subscribe fօr read this blog post from www.daumathot.sitew.org webpage to ߋbtain lateѕt updates, therefоre wherе can i do it pⅼease assist.
Tuesday, June 2nd 2020 @ 9:40 AM

Posted by Mark Salvatore:

I blog quite often with timely topics and I seriously thank you for your content. This great article has truly peaked my interest. I am going to take a note of your site and keep checking for new information about once per week. I opted in for your Feed as well. I may have much to say for now. but I'll definitely take note of this. Thanks a ton! Excavation Contractor Plano
Tuesday, June 2nd 2020 @ 9:29 AM

Posted by Michael Hams:

I think this is an informative post and it is very useful and knowledgeable. therefore, I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article.

Painting Services
Tuesday, June 2nd 2020 @ 6:32 AM

Posted by Kris Murray:

Thank you for this =) Landscaping Hagerstown MD
Monday, June 1st 2020 @ 7:34 AM

Posted by seomaster:

For true fans of this thread I will address is a free online! att yahoo email
Friday, May 29th 2020 @ 8:56 PM

Posted by Dawn:

Hi there, the whole tһin is gⲟing perfectly here and ofcourse every one is sharing faϲtѕ,
tһаt's genuinely excellent, keep uρ writing.


My homepаցe ... Carrier Infinity
Friday, May 29th 2020 @ 2:23 PM

Posted by Scott:

cialis buy cialis pills price of cialis
Wednesday, May 27th 2020 @ 4:45 PM

Posted by Lucas:

Wm-Box
- музыкальный веб-сайт с постоянными новинками, которые возможно загружать в удобном формате мп3.
В элементарных настройках сервиса разберется ребенок
– абсолютно никаких кодов-проверок, СМС, регистраций.
Здесь находится популярная музыка онлайн для
компьютера или телефона в удобном формате mp3 для меломанов в любом возрасте.


Как все работает?
Чтобы скачать музыку, требуется только ввести в строку поиска, расположенную вверху страницы, название трека или
исполнителя. Появится список песен,
которые можно слушать прямо на портале или
скачать по
Tuesday, May 26th 2020 @ 2:14 PM

Post New Comment

No Smilies More Smilies »