Im back,

I finally have a laptop so I can get on the Internet easier now and with less pain. My hubby sold his computer so I could have a laptop and has now taken over my desktop computer, he is very happy since I had the better computer, lol.

Life has been up and down for me lately I have no family on my side to talk to anymore not even my Mom who decided that her drunken boyfriend who likes to use her as a punching bag is better than her daughter so basically she disowned me and chose him over me. It really hurts to know how powerful a abuser can be to make someone not want to be around their own family. I really do miss her a lot, so please pray for her safety and that she deserve's so much better. 

I must admit even though I was put back on liquid morphine and antidepressants again I did have a very happy month at the end of summer. I finally got to go to Disneyland which has been a life long dream for me. I also meet a few very good friends that I play online with Spinner, pneuma, Doubt theshadow, razz6 and a couple other gals who game, and I can't think of there names, I can't believe it I'm drawing a blank sorry.

I owe the trip to Disneyland too two great people and my of course my very thoughtful and wonderful hubby for without his driving we would have never made it to L.A. I don't want to use there real names without there permission, but I want to say Thank You so much Spinner and pneuma for making a dream come true.   

I also got to meet another good friend who stayed with us before we went to L.A Suicide Joe its so cool to meet the people you play with online.

The trip was a blast, but when we got back home things started going down hill for me. I started getting more pain so my morphine was increased and the doctor, who I forgot to mention is a new doctor as my old doctor retired decided to try and get me approved for the pain patch. After 3 weeks of paper work I have been approved. I was told the transition over to the patch would not give me any withdrawal, but my body decided otherwise.

Today is not a good day I woke up in pain and hot and cold sweats, shivering, headache and just over all yucky. I guess the patch which usually takes 12 hours to kick in is taking longer with me. Thankfully my new doctor is understanding and after talking to him on the phone he wrote me a script for the liquid morphine to help with the pain and to stop the withdrawal by tomorrow or later tonight I should be ok. I am hoping the pain patch will keep my pain under control, but in a way I am depressed that I have to be on it.

Since I barely get out anymore I spend a lot of time gaming on the xbox360 with my online friends and now that I can go online with my laptop I plan to interact more with my friends in ostomy chat on Mirc, I haven't been there in a long time hopefully I will still know some people.

Please keep me in your prayers I will admit I am not dealing well with my illness and my faith. I still believe I am just having a hard time understanding why certain things are happening and sometimes I think he has forgotten about me like I am a waste of time. I just don't understand I pray and pray and never get answers. I hear of so many people getting healed by God and I wonder why he can`t just heal me so I can live a normal life and not feel like my body is a jail.... 

Till Later

Joann