Powered by Bravenet Bravenet Blog

Saturday, April 22nd 2006

2:30 AM

Why is living so hard?

  • State of Mind: scared
  • How I feel: I really don't know
  • Thought of the day: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Yep I am still alive...barely...

I know it's been awhile since I have posted or even checked on my blog. Life has been really frustrating and tough lately.

The scope went not so well. Since I am Im Methadone for my chronic pain the stuff they gave me to knock me out for the scope didn't do anything so they game me more and then more until they reached the max amount that they can give and I was still awake. I felt everything and it hurt like hell. The doctor was frustrated and I think he even said he wasn't sure he could be my doc anymore after that in counter.

After it was over I was still in so much pain and was given a morphine by I.v. 10 mg in 2 different doses and it didn't help and why would it when I am Methadone which counter acts to the morphine or something like that. The 8 hour drive home wasn't fun either it was more like hell, I won't go into detials all I will say is after being scoped down the throat the last thing I care about is eating and where to eat, but becuase I couldn't come up with a place to eat the fight was on and it wouldn't have been that bad, but my good friend was along for the trip and having her see Sylvain yelling at me was really embarrassing. I could go on, but some of it is to personal to put here. All I will say is I hate being yelled at and lectured especially when all I want to do is sleep and get home.

Since that test I have been having more pain and having a harder time eating. I am barely going out, I have cancelled the last 2 therapy sessions and only been to Church once or twice, and have missed one to many meetings with my care group/bible study get together's.

When my symptoms first returned Sylvain and I dealt with it pretty good, but since the surgery that was supposed to fix me all up so I could go back to living. When didn't and I got sicker dealing with it slowly became harder and harder. It has put a huge strain on our marriage.  He is sick of me being sick and having to do everything and I am sick of being sick and watching him do everything. Some days I feel like I am walking on egg shells around him, if I say something and it comes out wrong in the slightest way then the battle is on. It can be as simple as him bringing home something and its not the right item so I ask him if he can return it the next day and all of a sudden I am getting yelled at....I never do anything right, from now on if you want it you go get it and stuff like that. You know I wish I could I wish I wasn't hurting so much and I wasn't so weak.

Even my mom is tired of it and my friends are too, life just isn't fun anymore.


If he only knew how many times I have stayed up all night in pain with a partial blockage so that I wouldn't have to go to the hospital and stress him out..he so hard on him when I am in the hospital that I will just about go through anything not to end up there. The only way I will go is if I have a complete blockage like the last time I was there.I just want it all to end, to go away, but I know it won't not any time soon anyway....

Im so scared Sylvain is going to get so tired of me being sick that on day he isn't going to come home. I love him so much. I am so scared.....

Till Later


30 had something to say.

Posted by Shelli:

It's going to be ending of mine day, but before finish I am reading
this fantastic paragraph to increase my experience.

Also visit my web-site: marketing management
Friday, March 5th 2021 @ 4:42 AM

Posted by Teena:

Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess
I'll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog.
I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I'm still new to
the whole thing. Do you have any tips and hints for
inexperienced blog writers? I'd certainly appreciate it.

my site ... attract women
Friday, March 5th 2021 @ 1:11 AM

Posted by Angelita:

I am glad to be a visitor of this arrant site, thanks for this
rare information!

My page - hora en charlotte
Thursday, March 4th 2021 @ 1:17 PM

Posted by Werner:

I am now not positive the place you are getting your information, but good topic.
I must spend some time finding out more or understanding more.
Thank you for fantastic information I used to be on the
lookout for this information for my mission.

Feel free to visit my website Start now. Get results. (www.beautysupplyreviews.com)
Thursday, March 4th 2021 @ 10:21 AM

Posted by Ivory:

Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this
post and also the rest of the website is very good.

Also visit my web site los angeles moving company
Wednesday, March 3rd 2021 @ 9:14 PM

Posted by Valorie:

Wednesday, March 3rd 2021 @ 6:04 PM

Posted by Neil:

I loved as much as you will receive carried out right
here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish.
nonetheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you
wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside
case you shield this increase.

Feel free to visit my blog ... pull a part akron hours
Wednesday, March 3rd 2021 @ 7:10 AM

Posted by Earnest:

Greetings! I've been following your web site for some time now and finally got the courage to
go ahead and give you a shout out from Porter Texas! Just wanted to mention keep up the good job!

my blog post :: movers los angeles
Tuesday, March 2nd 2021 @ 5:15 PM

Posted by Lottie:

I am constantly thought about this, appreciate it for putting

Feel free to surf to my blog post - how much is 3 tons
Tuesday, March 2nd 2021 @ 1:21 PM

Posted by Isis:

I think the admin of this website is actually working hard
in support of his website, for the reason that here every material is quality based stuff.

Look at my web blog ... https://moverslosangeles.co/best-small-movers-los-angeles.html
Monday, March 1st 2021 @ 5:59 PM

Posted by Wilbert:

I needed to thank you for this wonderful read!! I certainly loved every bit
of it. I have got you bookmarked to check out new
things you post...

Take a look at my web site ... cheap used cars
Monday, March 1st 2021 @ 8:14 AM

Posted by Carmel:

great post, very informative. I ponder why the other experts of this sector don't understand this.

You must proceed your writing. I am sure, you've a
huge readers' base already!

Also visit my site - credit-repair-companies-cheshire-ct
Monday, March 1st 2021 @ 1:56 AM

Posted by Chance:

Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with
hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and
I ended up losing months of hard work due to no backup.
Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

Here is my web site :: credit-repair-companies-cross-lanes-ar
Sunday, February 28th 2021 @ 10:12 PM

Posted by Charlene:

Superb blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers?

I'm planning to start my own site soon but I'm a little lost on everything.

Would you recommend starting with a free platform like Wordpress
or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I'm completely overwhelmed ..
Any ideas? Kudos!

my page: credit-repair-companies-hidden-island-estates-fl
Sunday, February 28th 2021 @ 10:09 PM

Posted by Blaine:

where to get generic viagra
female viagra online australia https://xn-----9kcebqvtdqfh0b5b2f0a1df.xn--p1ai/user/profile/48914 - sildenafil
generic 5mg
price of sildenafil citrate viagra without a doctor prescription
viagra singapore price
Saturday, February 27th 2021 @ 4:04 PM

Posted by Willard:

I've been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any
interesting article like yours. It's pretty worth enough for me.
Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.

My web blog; Keep reading - mouse click on Paypalmoneyadder,
Friday, February 26th 2021 @ 6:39 PM

Posted by Carson:

Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What
host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours

my web site; Read the full content (click the up coming internet site)
Thursday, February 25th 2021 @ 11:26 PM

Posted by Logan:

I am really inspired along with your writing talents as smartly as with
the structure for your blog. Is that this a
paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it's rare to see a great weblog like this one today..

Feel free to surf to my web site: Learn more (www.survey888.com)
Thursday, February 25th 2021 @ 11:23 PM

Posted by Brayden:

viagra for women australia
generic viagra online purchase in usa http://sdr2020.cafe24.com/board_fNVX40/471238 -
viagra tablets buy online in india
cheapest generic viagra prices online viagra
sildenafil online india
Thursday, February 25th 2021 @ 11:06 AM

Posted by Hortense:

If some one wants to be updated with hottest technologies afterward he
must be pay a quick visit this web site and be up to
date daily.

Visit my blog: moving-companies
Thursday, February 25th 2021 @ 5:58 AM

Posted by Eliza:

Webhosting Wһen yoս want to host a big shot website using tһe selected domain namе іt is alѡays bettеr to deal ѡith a webhosting company from the νery Ƅeginning.

Registering Wһеn you want to register a domain name you neеd to visit a website tһаt dօes the process for
yoᥙ. Whatevеr may be your reason, see tһat you are aware of
thе aspects tο be consiԀered when yyou ѡant to purchase а domain name.
Tһerefore, when yyou want to ɡo ѡith a seⅼf-decided URL, mаke it a ρoint t᧐ shortlist at lеast three names so that іf ᧐ne is not
available you alwаys have a backup name to search fߋr.
Such a name also қnown as а URL іs the one that you need to sеt out in search
fоr wһen you want to host a website. POSTCY'ѕ Service Portfolio includeѕ Domain Νame
Registration, cpanel shared hosting, domain hosting, data center cyprus, website hosting services, cy domain, hosting company cyprus, webhosting, domainname.

Ꮤhen shopping, уou are ⅼikely to encounter mɑny webhosting companies offering unlimited domains hosting, unlimited bandwidth, unlimited applications tһаt you can іnstall in уour cpanel, unlimited disk space, unlimited databases, unlimited email
accounts аnd much more unlimited hosting features!

Ⅿy website :: https://louisgztrk.idblogmaker.com
Monday, February 22nd 2021 @ 12:59 PM

Posted by Orville:

Usually I do not learn post on blogs, but I would
like to say that this write-up very forced me
to check out and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me.
Thank you, quite great post.

my page :: www.tellpizzahut.com survey
Monday, February 22nd 2021 @ 12:24 AM

Posted by Stephen:

Hello my loved one! I wish to say that this article is amazing, nice written and include approximately all vital infos.

I'd like to see extra posts like this .

Here is my blog ... 10 dollars off pizza hut
Sunday, February 21st 2021 @ 11:37 PM

Posted by Chu:

viagra brand https://reviagaraget.com - womens viagra
generic viagra from us pharmacy
sildenafil citrate 100mg best erection pills cheap viagra
Saturday, February 20th 2021 @ 8:08 AM

Posted by Archer:

It is perfect time to make some plans for the future and it's time to be happy.
I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things or advice.
Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.
I wish to read more things about it!

my web-site ... עיסוי אירוטי בחיפה
Friday, February 19th 2021 @ 10:26 PM

Posted by Carlota:

Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering
if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.

I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.
Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy
reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

Also visit my blog post rr-residential-and-commercial-movers
Friday, February 19th 2021 @ 12:58 AM

Posted by Arron:

You have brought up a very great details, regards for the post.

My webpage; pull n pay denver
Thursday, February 18th 2021 @ 6:21 PM

Posted by Wilson:

viagra pills order https://goviagarato.com - viagra online
viagra how it works
alternative to viagra viagra online prescription free buy viagra new york
Sunday, February 14th 2021 @ 3:21 AM

Posted by Glenn:

Greetings frolm Colorado! I'm bored to death at woork
so I decided to check out your website onn my iphone during lunch break.
I realoly like the information you present here and can't wat to take a look when I get home.
I'm shocked at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone ..
I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, wonderful blog!

Derick https://clients1.google.cg/url?q=https://cbdwwwkratom.com
Saturday, February 13th 2021 @ 2:34 PM

Posted by Wilbert:

Эффект достигают дамы самых разных возрастов
(даже при климаксе). приспособления для представителей сильного пола: Капсулы для
продления полового акта, Препараты от
простатита и аденомы. доставка и
приобретение продукции для похудения гарантируется по
Минску и Беларуси без рецептуры.
официальная медицина всегда помогала в половой жизни в восстановлении кожаных половых функций, регулярно наслаждаться
мощным оргазмом и баловать себя и близких сексом перманентно что
приводит к хорошей гормональной системе, и
здоровью. Вся продукция сертифицированы, по
всем выбранному товару имеете возможность
изучить отзывами клиентов на аккаунте такого

Here is my blog ... Самые лучшие таблетки для секса
Friday, February 12th 2021 @ 5:15 PM

Post New Comment

No Smilies More Smilies »