Powered by Bravenet Bravenet Blog

Thursday, July 13th 2006

2:44 AM

Still Alive...I think

  • State of Mind: All mixed upped
  • How I feel: sad,crazy, and more pain
  • Thought of the day: Why am I the only one in my whole family who can't have a baby?

I didn't think it had been so long since my last post, I haven't been posting much because I figure everyone must be getting tired of my whining and complaining about how lousy life is most of the time.

A lot has happened since I last posted some good, some bad. Sylvain and I started to go to counseling, but the lady that was going to help us is having health problems herself so we are going to try and get help thru the church. I never thought that we would need counseling.

I never thought that we would be fighting like we are. I miss the way we used to be, before I had my last surgery we never fought as much as we do now. I mean we used to have some nasty fights every now and then but not every week, sometimes every day. It scares me, I am starting to wonder how much longer he can handle being with me sick like this or is he just staying because he feel would feel guilty leaving. It's like we are both hanging from a thread waiting to see who is going to fall first...

To make things worse I am slowly being weaned off the methadone for my chronic pain which is not fun and not easy and I need his support more than ever right now. The pain is getting worse and every time I go down on my dose I go thru withdrawal and that's no cup of tea to go thru. I really need his support right now while I go thru this and I have to be careful of when to tell him I need some TLC and encouragement, you see if he is playing his game Battlefield 2 with his clan and I need some help because the withdrawal symptoms are driving me up the wall he thinks I am just doing it to get him to stop playing his game and that's not true. I just want a hug, a prayer, some encouraging words and if the symptoms are really bad he could just cuddle with me for 15-20 min or how ever long the symptoms take to settle down. I am really scared to be going off of this because I haven't even been offered any other form of relief. I wish the Methadone didn't make me feel so sick and give me so many side effects. I guess only time will tell on how everything will turn out. I just wish Sylvain would stop saying I don't care about him and stuff when I am going thru this. I am so scared of the pain I am going to be in when I am completly off the methadone. I can barely eat now, what's gonna happen to me?

Truth is I care for him so much he just doesn't see it, I try my hardest to keep the kitchen and dishes clean and other housework no matter how much I hurt and all he can do is tell me how I don't care about him and his need for his time, I am trying to lighten the load so he has a chance to have some free time, but I guess when your addicted to a game you don't see that. I have stayed home when I have should have gone to the hospital with partial or sometimes more than partial blockages I cry all night in pain where he can't hear me. I stay home because when I am in the hospital it is to stressful on him.

For the last month I have been pretending to be better than I am so that my cousin who has progressive MS doesn't worry about me. We helped her and her husband move and have been spending a lot of time with them. They have a 3 year old little boy and a 9 year old girl. We have been having their oldest daughter over for weekends and taking her to the park to play, to our friends places for BQ's and Church with us. She needs so much love and attention. Ever since there youngest was born she hasn't got the attention she needs.

Its been hard and tiring for me, but its so nice to have her around, she makes me forget how lonely I truly am. I would do anything for that little girl. I just wish it wasn't so hard when she is gone because then I feel empty again, I want to be a mother so bad and it hurts so much to know that I might never be one. 

Right now Sylvain and I are seeing if we qualify to be legal guardians to there little girl if something should happen,which I pray doesn't happen. Their 3 year old will be going with his Dad, her Dad is no where to be found. There is a long story behind that and I can't get into on here.

If your a praying person I have a few requests...

Please pray that my cousin will go into remission, no child should have to watch there Mom die 

Please pray that if she should be taken from us that we are approved to be legal guardians. Also pray that her son and daughter will get the help they need to deal with the hurt they will be going thru and that I will also get help to deal with the lose of my cousin who has been more like a sister to me and a best best, life without her, I can't even imagine it without it breaking my heart.

Please pray that we are approved because if my cousin does go into remission  then we could foster a child and right now they are asking people who foster to adopt so if all goes well I may be a Mom one day soon and that would make me the happiest person. Thanks to a certian person we know from Church it shouldn't cost us anything to get the home assesement done.

It is so hard to want to be a mom and not be able to be one, I cry and pray every night for God to grant me the gift of being a Mother.

Also please pray for Sylvain and me I am so scared that we won't make it thru this, I know Sylvain is holding on to the dream that the surgery I am trying to get in Toronto will make me pain free. I am trying to get adhesion barriers as well as my Kock Pouch. Its taking forever, we sent in all the paper work and now its just wait and see and we have been waiting a year already.

A  request fro my Mom who is back with her abusive, cheating, and lying boyfriend, please pray that no harm will come to her physically or mentally and that she will find her way out of the darkness and back into the light of God.

Please also pray that God will help me throught then next thru months of weaning of the Methadone and that thru him my pain will be healed also please pray for Sylvain, give him the strenght to be able to stand by me and help me thru the next months and help him to realise Im not doing it to get him to stop playing, why would I put myself thru this kind of withdrawal just for him to stop playing. I love him so much I just wish I could show it better right now. The only thing I am good it seems is crying and wondering what I did wrong to make him mad again

GOD if your reading this PLEASE HELP US

Till Later


Someone asked me why I had a frog under my name, one is because I collect anything that has to do with frogs and two because of what it stands for for me

Frog = Fully rely on God

30 had something to say.

Posted by Denise:

CBD Wholesale

I am writing to᧐ you from https://lovetocbd.com

Have yօu annd %domain% thought aƅoսt taқing advantage οf the ever-growing cannabidiol sector
and setting ᥙp a CBD Wholesale Account ԝith Jᥙѕt
CBD's hemp ցoods? Ƭhanks to the passing of the 2018 Farm Biⅼl,
hemp-derived CBD items аre the httest thing on thе market.

The multi-Ьillion-doⅼlar marijuana trаdе and іts һigh-profit margins аre growing day ƅy day.

Not onlү is CBD Oil Wholesae іѕ truly lawful іn ɑll 50 states,
bᥙt llifetime clients alѕo appreciatе hоѡ mսch іt allowѕ hеm to to stay
calm ɑnd cool. Sߋ why not jump on thе bznd wagon? Wholesale CBD products aree noᴡ
sucxh a ᴠery hot commodity, you can launch your own precious cbd topical oil for painshop and earn money with CBD
Wholesale Gummies. Team սp with а well-established company аnd leader inn tһe industry.

Wholesale CBD Business

Nowadays, mеn and women purchase billions ߋf dollars' worth
᧐f CBD edibles,vape oils, tinctures, isolate, ɑnd other cannabinoid-infused treats.
Ƭhey mіght be in a gass station or shopping fߋr
CBD snacks оn the internet. People cɑn even purchase CBD oil
f᧐r family pets tһat hеlp dogs and cats cool оff dսring
a storm and whhen experiencing separation isues.

Ɍegardless of іtѕ flourishing popularity, аn individual сan't throw together any web site to sell CBD product and expect to get
rich overnight. Getting ahold оf affordable CBD аnd offering іt
can be complicated. Ƭhere are sevеral advertisinhg and marketing requirements and legal requirements tо bbe familiar ѡith.

How tߋ become a CBDwholesale supplier?

Ᏼecoming a CBD wholesale distributor iѕ simple.
All үoս neеd to Ԁo iѕ fill oᥙt our easy-to-follow
sign սp form. А warm and friendly aand knowledgeable JustCBD
agent ԝill then respond, usuaⅼly in juѕt 1
day, with
Wednesday, January 20th 2021 @ 11:38 PM

Posted by Anastasia:

Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against
hackers? I'm kinda paranoid about losing everything I've worked hard on. Any tips?

My homepage ... crypto scalping signals
Wednesday, January 20th 2021 @ 9:31 PM

Posted by Lee:

viagra online no prescription https://viagaramu.com - best
erection pills
buy viagra las vegas
viagra online canadian pharmacy viagra tablet order viagra pills
Wednesday, January 20th 2021 @ 10:43 AM

Posted by Rebekah:

I like the helpful information you provide in your articles.
I'll bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly.
I am quite sure I'll learn plenty of new stuff right here!
Best of luck for the next!

My site; american-credit-repair-reviews
Monday, January 18th 2021 @ 4:27 PM

Posted by Michell:

Howdy! I'm at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 4!
Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your
posts! Carry on the outstanding work!

my site ... GSA Search Engine Ranker help
Sunday, January 17th 2021 @ 9:45 AM

Posted by Jerri:

Greetings! I've been reading your blog for a long time now and finally got
the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Houston Tx!
Just wanted to tell you keep up the good work! Feel free to visit
my web site ... Viagra Online
Tuesday, January 12th 2021 @ 5:33 AM

Posted by Teena:

I've been browsing online more than 2 hours today,
yet I never found any interesting article like yours.

It's pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as
you did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever
before. Here is my blog post ... buy Viagra online
Sunday, January 10th 2021 @ 7:03 PM

Posted by Selina:

Posted by Gladys:

Awesome site you have here but I was curious if you knew of any message
boards that cover the same topics discussed in this article?
I'd really like to be a part of community
where I can get opinions from other knowledgeable individuals that share
the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know.
Thanks a lot! Take a look at my blog buy generic viagra
Friday, January 8th 2021 @ 1:08 AM

Posted by Cristine:

Cannabidiol, much better called CBD oil, is among the most appealing new
herbs for joint inflammation. What is it and also what does it do?
Just how can we utilize it securely and also properly? As even more
info regarding cannabidiol emerges, we will certainly discover more
regarding it and also just how it may help relieve some of the signs connected with arthritis.
If you, or a person you know, are dealing with joint inflammation, do not wait - this article may be able to help you find the
relief you require!

Here is my page; best CBD oils UK
Thursday, January 7th 2021 @ 5:24 AM

Posted by Roberta:

Hello would you mind letting me know which webhost you're utilizing?
I've loaded your blog in 3 different browsers and I must say this
blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good internet hosting provider at
a honest price? Many thanks, I appreciate it!

Visit my website ... my-credit-karma-account-was-hacked
Sunday, January 3rd 2021 @ 6:18 AM

Posted by Tanisha:

Cheers! Lots of facts!

Best Essay writing
Essay Writing Practice For High School Students
Sunday, January 3rd 2021 @ 1:38 AM

Posted by Tamie:

Regards. I appreciate it!
Bestt Essay writing
Essay Writing Birds
Sunday, January 3rd 2021 @ 1:37 AM

Posted by Christie:

essay rewriter https://essaywritinge.com - essays types
essay hook
easy essays driving essay depression essays
Sunday, January 3rd 2021 @ 12:17 AM

Posted by Morris:

Seriously plenty of great advice.
Best Essay writing
Writing Grandfather Essay
Saturday, January 2nd 2021 @ 10:14 PM

Posted by Hiram:

essay parts https://essaywritinge.com - outline for essay example
argumentative essays on abortion
help on essay writing buy essays papers essay thesis examples
Saturday, January 2nd 2021 @ 11:09 AM

Posted by Jeremy:

Ι really liked this post! I rеaɗ your blog onn
a regular basis andd yoᥙ are always releasing some terrific stuff.
I'll make sure to share this on my Facebook
ppage аnd my followers should like this also. Keep up the nijce

Also visit my web ppage ... anchortext
Saturday, January 2nd 2021 @ 5:54 AM

Posted by Diana:

buy essay papers https://essaywritinge.com - essay scholarship
chicago style essay
essay on opinion buying an essay online essay mla format example
Thursday, December 31st 2020 @ 4:25 AM

Posted by massandra.su:

Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She put the shell to her ear and screamed.
There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back!
LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had
to tell someone! Naked Pics (massandra.su)
Wednesday, December 30th 2020 @ 5:35 PM

Posted by rome.lesroyaumes.com:

Thanks for sharing your info. I truly appreciate your efforts and
I am waiting for your further post thank you once again. Hot Videos (rome.lesroyaumes.com)
Wednesday, December 30th 2020 @ 2:47 PM

Posted by June:

Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me
out a lot. I hope to give something back and help
others like you aided me.

Also visit my site - credit-fico-score-chart
Wednesday, December 30th 2020 @ 2:14 PM

Posted by Romeo:

what to write college essay on https://essaywritinge.com - buy an essay paper
buy cheap essay
essay writer free scholarships with essays what is an outline for an essay
Tuesday, December 29th 2020 @ 7:54 PM

Posted by Alphonso:

Cách sử dụng, Giá bán

my web-site: Maral Gel
Tuesday, December 29th 2020 @ 5:54 AM

Posted by Jefferey:

Wonderful work! That is the kind of info that are supposed to be shared across the
web. Shame on Google for now not positioning this put up higher!
Come on over and seek advice from my web site . Thank you

Also visit my web page Free Porn Movies (gamesvuinhon.com)
Monday, December 28th 2020 @ 1:35 AM

Posted by Bart:

Wow, this post is nice, my sister is analyzing these kinds of things, thus I
am going to inform her. Sex video (Bart)
Monday, December 28th 2020 @ 12:46 AM

Posted by nudexfoto.ru:

I've been browsing online more than three hours lately, but I
never discovered any fascinating article like yours. It's
pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made just right content material as
you probably did, the internet might be a lot more helpful
than ever before. PORNO XXX - nudexfoto.ru,
Sunday, December 27th 2020 @ 11:17 PM

Posted by Liza:

Hey! I'm at work browsing your blog from my new iphone!

Just wanted to say I love reading through your
blog and look forward to all your posts! Keep up the excellent work!

My site: credit-repair-ms
Sunday, December 27th 2020 @ 4:39 PM

Posted by Raquel:

Great post. I was checking constantly this blog and I'm impressed!
Very helpful information particularly the last part :
) I care for such information a lot. I was looking
for this particular information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

Have a look at my web blog: viagra reviews
Friday, December 25th 2020 @ 11:58 PM

Posted by https://1888bets.com:

Good day! I could have sworn I've been to this website
before but after checking through some of the post I realized it's new to me.
Anyhow, I'm definitely happy I found it and I'll be book-marking and checking back frequently! Love Sex (https://1888bets.com)
Friday, December 25th 2020 @ 11:47 PM

Posted by Ericka:

Hello there, I do think your site could possibly be having browser compatibility problems.

Whenever I look at your site in Safari, it looks fine however,
when opening in IE, it has some overlapping issues. I simply wanted to
give you a quick heads up! Aside from that, excellent blog!

Feel free to visit my web-site - Places near Me
Friday, December 25th 2020 @ 7:24 PM

Post New Comment

No Smilies More Smilies »