Powered by Bravenet Bravenet Blog

Thursday, July 13th 2006

2:44 AM

Still Alive...I think

  • State of Mind: All mixed upped
  • How I feel: sad,crazy, and more pain
  • Thought of the day: Why am I the only one in my whole family who can't have a baby?

I didn't think it had been so long since my last post, I haven't been posting much because I figure everyone must be getting tired of my whining and complaining about how lousy life is most of the time.

A lot has happened since I last posted some good, some bad. Sylvain and I started to go to counseling, but the lady that was going to help us is having health problems herself so we are going to try and get help thru the church. I never thought that we would need counseling.

I never thought that we would be fighting like we are. I miss the way we used to be, before I had my last surgery we never fought as much as we do now. I mean we used to have some nasty fights every now and then but not every week, sometimes every day. It scares me, I am starting to wonder how much longer he can handle being with me sick like this or is he just staying because he feel would feel guilty leaving. It's like we are both hanging from a thread waiting to see who is going to fall first...

To make things worse I am slowly being weaned off the methadone for my chronic pain which is not fun and not easy and I need his support more than ever right now. The pain is getting worse and every time I go down on my dose I go thru withdrawal and that's no cup of tea to go thru. I really need his support right now while I go thru this and I have to be careful of when to tell him I need some TLC and encouragement, you see if he is playing his game Battlefield 2 with his clan and I need some help because the withdrawal symptoms are driving me up the wall he thinks I am just doing it to get him to stop playing his game and that's not true. I just want a hug, a prayer, some encouraging words and if the symptoms are really bad he could just cuddle with me for 15-20 min or how ever long the symptoms take to settle down. I am really scared to be going off of this because I haven't even been offered any other form of relief. I wish the Methadone didn't make me feel so sick and give me so many side effects. I guess only time will tell on how everything will turn out. I just wish Sylvain would stop saying I don't care about him and stuff when I am going thru this. I am so scared of the pain I am going to be in when I am completly off the methadone. I can barely eat now, what's gonna happen to me?

Truth is I care for him so much he just doesn't see it, I try my hardest to keep the kitchen and dishes clean and other housework no matter how much I hurt and all he can do is tell me how I don't care about him and his need for his time, I am trying to lighten the load so he has a chance to have some free time, but I guess when your addicted to a game you don't see that. I have stayed home when I have should have gone to the hospital with partial or sometimes more than partial blockages I cry all night in pain where he can't hear me. I stay home because when I am in the hospital it is to stressful on him.

For the last month I have been pretending to be better than I am so that my cousin who has progressive MS doesn't worry about me. We helped her and her husband move and have been spending a lot of time with them. They have a 3 year old little boy and a 9 year old girl. We have been having their oldest daughter over for weekends and taking her to the park to play, to our friends places for BQ's and Church with us. She needs so much love and attention. Ever since there youngest was born she hasn't got the attention she needs.

Its been hard and tiring for me, but its so nice to have her around, she makes me forget how lonely I truly am. I would do anything for that little girl. I just wish it wasn't so hard when she is gone because then I feel empty again, I want to be a mother so bad and it hurts so much to know that I might never be one. 

Right now Sylvain and I are seeing if we qualify to be legal guardians to there little girl if something should happen,which I pray doesn't happen. Their 3 year old will be going with his Dad, her Dad is no where to be found. There is a long story behind that and I can't get into on here.

If your a praying person I have a few requests...

Please pray that my cousin will go into remission, no child should have to watch there Mom die 

Please pray that if she should be taken from us that we are approved to be legal guardians. Also pray that her son and daughter will get the help they need to deal with the hurt they will be going thru and that I will also get help to deal with the lose of my cousin who has been more like a sister to me and a best best, life without her, I can't even imagine it without it breaking my heart.

Please pray that we are approved because if my cousin does go into remission  then we could foster a child and right now they are asking people who foster to adopt so if all goes well I may be a Mom one day soon and that would make me the happiest person. Thanks to a certian person we know from Church it shouldn't cost us anything to get the home assesement done.

It is so hard to want to be a mom and not be able to be one, I cry and pray every night for God to grant me the gift of being a Mother.

Also please pray for Sylvain and me I am so scared that we won't make it thru this, I know Sylvain is holding on to the dream that the surgery I am trying to get in Toronto will make me pain free. I am trying to get adhesion barriers as well as my Kock Pouch. Its taking forever, we sent in all the paper work and now its just wait and see and we have been waiting a year already.

A  request fro my Mom who is back with her abusive, cheating, and lying boyfriend, please pray that no harm will come to her physically or mentally and that she will find her way out of the darkness and back into the light of God.

Please also pray that God will help me throught then next thru months of weaning of the Methadone and that thru him my pain will be healed also please pray for Sylvain, give him the strenght to be able to stand by me and help me thru the next months and help him to realise Im not doing it to get him to stop playing, why would I put myself thru this kind of withdrawal just for him to stop playing. I love him so much I just wish I could show it better right now. The only thing I am good it seems is crying and wondering what I did wrong to make him mad again

GOD if your reading this PLEASE HELP US

Till Later


Someone asked me why I had a frog under my name, one is because I collect anything that has to do with frogs and two because of what it stands for for me

Frog = Fully rely on God

30 had something to say.

Posted by Scot:

I was able to find good advice from your blog articles.

My blog: аренда манипулятора ростехнадзор
Thursday, June 25th 2020 @ 8:06 AM

Posted by Hanna Grey:

Aww, I'm sorry to hear you are going through all these, I hope and pray the adoption would go well. Wish you all the best from our team
Sunday, June 21st 2020 @ 7:42 PM

Posted by Marylou:

Some genuinely nice stuff ᧐n thіs click the next internet site site, I like it.
Wednesday, June 17th 2020 @ 3:33 PM

Posted by Mattie:

Saved aѕ ɑ favorite, І love yoսr This Resource site!
Tuesday, June 16th 2020 @ 6:27 PM

Posted by Marguerite:

Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
The text in your article seem to be running off the screen in Safari.
I'm not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I'd post to let you know.
The design look great though! Hope you get the issue resolved
soon. Cheers

Have a look at my webpage - sieukeo.com [Oyapredict official website]
Monday, June 15th 2020 @ 5:06 PM

Posted by Earnest:

Tancpol.net: только последние музыкальные релизы 2020 в формате mp3
Практичная система для пользователя,
понятный интуитивный интерфейс,
только самая популярная музыка онлайн для меломанов, качественный музыкальный проигрыватель с функцией прокрутки – это лишь самый малый перечень плюсов,
которые оценит каждый пользователь,
попавший на портал Tancpol.net.
Онлайн-каталог портала систематично обновляют.
В связи с этим пользователь в любой момент может прослушивать только "горячие" треки в формате mp3.

Прослушивание музыки – не единственно возможный бонус, доступный на веб-ресурсе.
Тут также возможно скачать песни в хорошем
В результате, возможно не только слушать любимую музыку, но и использовать
ее в качестве рингтона.
Если у вас появляются какие-либо проблемы,
связанные с пользовательскими настройками или скачиванием, вы всегда сможете связаться с поддержкой, с
помощью популярных средств обратной связи (Skype,
электронная почта, viber и другие).
В компетенции администраторов самый широкий перечень разнообразных вопросов: поддерживаемы
Sunday, June 14th 2020 @ 11:35 PM

Posted by Marko:

Ƭhanks a lot for sharing thiѕ with all people you reɑlly understand whаt yoᥙ'гe speaking аbout!
Bookmarked. Kindly additionally visit mʏ website =).
Wе wiⅼl һave a link exchange contract between us

Would Yoս Αlso visit mү web blog Judi slot
Saturday, June 13th 2020 @ 7:21 PM

Posted by Rhasta Abes:

Great post and nice blog shared here.Its an beautiful Content. Great article and thanks for sharing this post. Share some content on
garage door repair santa rosa
Thursday, June 11th 2020 @ 3:30 PM

Posted by samm zakii:

Posted by Kasey:

For fiat, most exchanges accept loan provider transfers.

Feel free to surf to my web blog buy bitcoin with debit card [http://jaidenxyzyy.ezblogz.com/22664490/how-much-you-need-to-expect-you-ll-pay-for-a-good-bitcoin-farmers]
Tuesday, June 9th 2020 @ 9:19 PM

Posted by Roxanne:

Everyone loves what you guys are usually up too.
This kind of clever work and coverage! Keep up the amazing works guys I've included
you guys to my blogroll.

Here is my webpage ... Hilda
Monday, June 8th 2020 @ 7:45 AM

Posted by Malcolm:

cialis other names acquistare cialis online in italia
cialis online nz
cialis lilly online italia cialis samples usa
Monday, June 8th 2020 @ 12:29 AM

Posted by Wilda:

We stumbled over here from a different website and
thought I should check things out. I like what I see so now i'm following you.
Look forward to looking into your web page repeatedly.

my website: 바카라
Sunday, June 7th 2020 @ 7:16 PM

Posted by Jolie:

Enjoyed reading thіs, ѵery gooԀ stuff, regarԀs.

Feel free to visit my web site :: 02all.com
Sunday, June 7th 2020 @ 10:10 AM

Posted by Berenice:

Quality posts is the key to invitte the users to pay a visit the site, that's what this
site is providing.

Have a look at my webpzge ... https://lifeandsport.com.ua/, lifeandsport.com.ua,
Friday, June 5th 2020 @ 11:38 PM

Posted by Jade:

Ꮃould love tߋ ɑlways ɡet updated outstanding blog!

Αlso visit my webpage Sockshare
Friday, June 5th 2020 @ 10:54 AM

Posted by Loyd:

I conceive this site has very grеat pent content

my web-site: www.golf-bookmarks.win link for more info
Thursday, June 4th 2020 @ 9:56 PM

Posted by Hung:

I just wanted to thank you once more for the amazing blog you have built here.

It is full of ideas for those who are seriously interested
in this subject, primarily this very post. Your all really sweet and thoughtful of
others in addition to the fact that reading the blog posts is
a fantastic delight in my opinion. And what generous present!
Jeff and I will have pleasure making use of your points in what we have to do in the
near future. Our list is a distance long which means
your tips will be put to great use.

my web blog :: Ultra Testo Testosterone Booster Pills
Tuesday, June 2nd 2020 @ 4:49 PM

Posted by Leopoldo:

You made some good points there. I checked on the net for more info about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.

Here is my web-site ... Ultra Testo Testosterone Booster Reviews
Tuesday, June 2nd 2020 @ 4:45 PM

Posted by Gwen:

bookmarked!!, Ι really like yоur please click the following website!
Sunday, May 31st 2020 @ 1:52 PM

Posted by Roberto:

I'm not sure why but this blog is loading extremely slow for me.
Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my
end? I'll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

my web-site ... internet site
Monday, May 25th 2020 @ 8:43 PM

Posted by matthew:

Loved Reading the post. Check out my services the best garage door company in Treasure valley
Monday, May 25th 2020 @ 5:33 PM

Posted by Ingrid:

Just want to say your article is as astounding.
The clarity to your post is just excellent and i could think you
are an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow
me to snatch your feed to keep updated with imminent post.
Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.

Also visit my website ... skribblio
Sunday, May 24th 2020 @ 6:04 PM

Posted by Ronda:

Hі thеre to еvery body, іt's my fіrst pay a visit of
thіs weblog; tһis weblog contains awesome and ɑctually
fіne material in favor of readers.

Αlso visit mʏ website; url
Thursday, May 21st 2020 @ 6:34 PM

Posted by Kari:

S᧐me trսly nice stuff ߋn this web site, I it.

My web-site; sockshare
Tuesday, May 19th 2020 @ 5:46 AM

Posted by Martin:

Hі to еvery body, it's my first pay a visit of this web site; thiѕ
weblog cоntains awesome ɑnd genuinely good information f᧐r visitors.

Review mу ρage :: Going in Labo Cside 2
Saturday, May 16th 2020 @ 2:48 AM

Posted by Halina:

Hi there! I simply wiѕh to offer you ɑ Ƅig thumbs ᥙp for
the great info you have got һere on thіs post.
I'll be coming back to your blog for mօre soon.

Feel free to visit my web site; javstreaming
Friday, May 15th 2020 @ 11:01 AM

Posted by Marlys:

S᧐, tһe օnly real advisable option woᥙld be tߋ
hold the motor viable bby mɑking usse of regulaar maintenance.
Unbalanced wheels induce tires tо shake, bounce ߋr feel wobbly ᴡhen yоu are driving үour vehicle.
If уօu can do thеn check tһe credentials in thе professionals ԝith the company.

My website ... ase certifications are valid for how long
Thursday, May 14th 2020 @ 10:21 PM

Posted by Lachlan:

Νext timе I read a blog, Ι hope that it ɗoes not disappoint mе ɑs muϲh aѕ tһis pаrticular one.
After all, Ӏ ҝnow it ᴡas my choice t᧐ read, nonetheless I
truly tһought you would probаbly have somеtһing intеresting to sау.
All I heɑr iѕ a bunch of whining aƅout sߋmething you ϲould fix
if you weren't too busy loⲟking for attention.

Visit mү web pɑge: jav streaming
Thursday, May 14th 2020 @ 9:28 AM

Posted by Brady:

Wm-Box - популярный
музыкальный онлайн-сайт с новинками, которые можно прослушивать и
закачивать в удобном формате mp3.
В простых настройках сможет разобраться ребенок – абсолютно никаких
регистраций, кодов-проверок, СМС.
Именно тут размещается
наиболее популярная музыка онлайн в удобном формате mp3 для всех, кто
любит отечественные и зарубежные песни.

Как действует ресурс?
Чтобы скачать песни, нужно лишь ввести в
строку поиска любимого исполнителя или название композиции.
Появится список доступных треков, которые возможно
слушать прямо онлайн или загрузить на свой компьютер или смартфон.
Также есть опция зацикленного прослушивания.
Аудиотрек будет проигрываться снова и снова – это
подходит, если необходимо выучить слова для отдыха в караоке или выступлений.

Что еще можно делать на Wm-Box?

Песнями есть возможность поделиться в соцсетях.
На данный момент на ресурсе доступны репосты в Одноклассники, VK, Facebook, Twitter, G+.

В поисковике возможно вбивать
и любые абстрактные запросы, как например:
рок, инди, клубные треки, новинки музыки, хиты 20
Wednesday, May 13th 2020 @ 1:49 PM

Post New Comment

No Smilies More Smilies »